So I march in there this morning and the tellers can't tell me anything and the "bankers" (aren't they all "bankers"? If not, why not?) aren't there yet. Great.
So when I went back to make my deposit this afternoon, I asked my "banker", who nodded and replied that we'd have to "tweak" my account status so I won't get charged as the totals build up toward the end of the month. I was relieved to hear that this wasn't going to be a daily occurrence (I was prepared to switch banks immediately if it was), but it's still super annoying. Apparently I was depositing TOO MUCH money and so started to incur charges. Are you kidding me?
This is the same bank that charged me $38 for a stamp I didn't ask for and don't need, and that refuses to furnish me with a night deposit bag to carry my money back and forth, instead offering to sell me one for thirty-five bucks. Needless to say, they're on my short list. Get it right, "bankers", depositing lots of money is a GOOD thing, not something you should be
Then, just a few minutes ago, I'm going over my merchant services statement from the nice folks who process my credit card transactions and noticing that every day showed a fairly large number (perhaps 10%-12% of my total daily sales) as "non-funded card types". It showed these transactions as part of my deposit, but the total for the non-funded card types (whatever that means) was shown in red and was not included in the daily amount transferred to my account. WTF again! The total of "non-funded card types" was more than $150 just for last Saturday! Where's my money, people?
When this kind of stuff happens, I immediately see red, begin imagining that they're all out to get me, to rip me off, and there's some sort of fine print I didn't read and I'm going to be out a bunch of money. I was wondering if somehow my machine accepts debit cards, but I did something wrong and wasn't getting reimbursed for them? Really, I had no idea.
So I called the number on the statement, punched in my merchant ID number, followed by the pound sign, wormed my way through the many numbered menu items, and finally got a person, who promptly asked me again for my merchant ID number. (Why'd I just enter it if you're just going to ask me for it again?!?)
Ok, this time, crisis averted. The "non-funded card types" turns out to be American Express, and those charges are being deposited into my bank account (after AMEX takes their cut, of course, on top of what merchant services takes).
Being a cash-only business is something I toyed with doing, but given my proximity to a major university, and knowing a lot of people who use their debit cards for everything and never carry cash, I opted to take the cards. Looking at this statement and the amount of fees, cuts, and percentages they take out every month makes me regret that, to some extent. But, honestly, I think it was the right choice and so maybe the answer is just to not look to closely at the damn statement every month.