A squirrelly little grill cook named Rico who I worked with on the hot line of a steakhouse quietly told me once, in the midst of a busy service when we had 30+ steaks on the grill, different cuts, all started at different times and needing to be cooked to different degrees of doneness, with more tickets constantly streaming out of the printer..."I love being in the shit! That's when time stops and I can really just exist!"
That stayed with me. It was a memorable moment for me. Because my life in restaurants has always been about navigating this strange dichotomy between control and chaos. At the time, I thought he was crazy...maybe on drugs or something. But I came to understand what he meant.
Working the line on a busy Saturday teaches you a lot of things; communication skills, efficiency, economy of movement, how to prioritize... and how to keep your mind calm and still when things feel crazy and everyone else is freaking out.
And that's a skill that I think has served me well in life generally, in addition to in restaurant kitchens.
All my life I have been able to exist in the unknown, chaotic spaces without freaking out. The idea is, like in the kitchen, when shit is flying all around you, just keep your head down, don't lose focus, and work through it. Trust the process. Ignore the noise. You'll get there eventually, even if you're not sure where 'there' is right then.
When my first marriage ended I decided to take a leap and go to Europe without much more than a backpack and some chef's whites. I only had "concepts of a plan", but I ended up living in Barcelona for a year, finding a great job I loved working for a chef I consider a mentor, and living in an apartment owned by the folks who ran the restaurant I was working at only a block away. It ended up better than I could've ever planned or imagined and I never would've done it at all if I had gotten hung up on having the right paperwork, the proper work visa, or feeling the need to ensure everything was all set up for me before committing to going.
So now, finding myself at another turning point in my life, not knowing what I'm going to do next, how I'm going to pay my bills beyond the few months my personal savings will provide, I feel surprisingly ok about it all.
Of course, I still have moments of anxiety. I'm making lists like a madman (immediate, short term, long term), and I might actually be spending more hours per day doing career stuff now than I was when I was running the restaurant, so it's not like it feels like I'm on vacation or anything.
It's just that I'm not freaking out. I'm not panicking. I'm sitting in the shit. Existing. The sound of the ticket machine rattling barely registers, the expediter is screaming at me for the mid-rare ribeyes on 52, I have to pee, and I just realized I'm gonna need to run back to dry storage and refill my salt dredge when I'm already way behind. But I'm still calm. I've been here before.
Focus. Do what I know how to do. Calmly, but with purpose and a sense of urgency. Head down. Be my authentic self. Use the skills and talents I know I have. Do the work. Be diligent. Prepare but also be flexible. The path will reveal itself. Things will happen the way they're supposed to.
Thanks, Rico. I'll always remember you fondly for showing me how to exist in the shit and enjoy it.
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Dude! You are such a good writer. I'm looking forward to hearing what you get into next.
Beautifully Buddhist. Let me know if you need a listening ear.